Is joining an online dating site a sign of desperation?
"You're 26 and still single?" Have you given it a try to online dating?" Someone asked me four years ago while visiting my sister in Virginia. I told her how frighten I was since I keep hearing horror stories. She went ahead and told me about how she had met her husband online.
She was also skeptical at first, but she was near 30 and still single so she sign-up for one. She started talking to her now husband and when they got ready to meet, she came up with a great idea. She planned the meet up to be at the beach where her church would be evangelizing. She wanted her pastor to take a good look at him and advice her since she knew she could trust her. Also, this kind of meet up made it safe. Smart girl! Her pastor gave her the thumbs up and they continue their relationship. They are now married and have two incredible, beautiful kids.
So did her story encourage me to give online dating a try? No, at least not until a year later.
I was getting overwhelmed with all the typical questions a single girl gets. I ran into a picture of this girl and her family on Facebook and I remembered her story. I kept thinking of how I had tried everything, except online dating, and nothing had worked so far. She was really fortunate to have found the one online. Maybe I could also run into a nice Christian guy. Maybe this would be the way God would help me meet my future husband. So I gave it a try.
I tried a christian dating app since my fears of running with the "wrong person" would be considered less. (So I thought, like if everyone there is a faithful Christian). I signed up, but only using the free trial. I wasn't ready to give it a full commitment of paying every month if it wasn't going to work.
There was a guy who I shared 98% compatibility. I checked his profile a couple of times and I could see he would too. I was raised old fashioned so I believed that the guy should be the first to reach out to a girl. What I didn't know is that having the free trial made it impossible to communicate. I tried a few buttons and I accidentally pushed the poke button, not knowing that that was the only button that did work. I was so embarrassed! I always hate it when people "poke" me on Facebook and now I had done it to a guy.
I chose to cancel my free trial since I was embarrassed and I was getting tired of having older men (over 50) checking my profile and sending me "pokes".
But now I am more embarrassed that I even considered joining this site.
Why do people join dating sites?
I regret it now. Now that I think about it, I do believe that signing up for online dating is a sign of desperation. It seems that it is used as the last resource when wanting to get married. It seems to me that we are telling God, "we don't trust you to bring us our future spouse". And since you are not hurrying, maybe I could give you a little help. Like if He needs any help.
I also feel that many do online dating to cut to the chase and meet the most compatible person. Like there is a greater chance that there would meet "the one". But doesn't it feel like you are being more judgmental when browsing through people's profiles? You are quick to write them off if they do not tick every box. These websites try to bring compatibility through a computer, but love doesn't come from a checklist. Plus, where does the phrase "opposites attract" fall? You are getting matched with someone who likes everything you do and does everything you do as well. Sooner or later they will bore each other.
So What should we do?
We should strive to find someone who we have a connection with. And that my friend, wont happen through a screen.
So go out with friends, join a youth group, travel. Get out of the house and interact with people rather than a computer. How are you going to meet someone if you are not actually meeting anyone.