So I used to say that I could never fall for a guy close to my age. "Never say never!"
So when I was in college, I was at a hill getting a picture taken when my eyes caught a guy. (This was after #icanshowyoutheworld guy). I guess he sensed that I was looking at him since he caught me by surprise as I took a second look towards his way. I didn't smile at him because I tend to get super nervous and don't even know how to act.
You see, I was born in the USA, but I was brought up with the Mexican culture. So my mom taught us to never show a guy you were interested in him. Play hard to get. Ignore him! (It worked with #waistedtime guy.)
So I found out his name, and that he was a few months older, but for the first time, I didn't care. I would run into this guy almost everyday, but never flirted with him. I would just look, but without showing any interest.
One weekend when I came home from college, I talked to my mom and told her how much I liked this guy and that I felt that he liked me, but that I acted just as she had taught me, but it had been weeks and he just wouldn't approach me. So I told her that since he was American maybe he was not getting the message since American culture is different. So she said, "well you should smile at him at least". So I did.
I started smiling at him and he would smile back and get all nervous too. But then I got Bell's Palsy and half of my face got paralysed for two months. So I had to ignore him again. I couldn't bare the feeling of him seeing me like that.
I got better, but my confidence of smiling back at him was not there. Although there were no marks of my Bell's Palsy, thank God, I still didn't feel confident. So I ignored him, but hoped he would get the message. (To this day, I find it hard to smile back at a guy if I think he is great looking, even though I am always smiling at people).
Weeks and months passed and all I did was look at him and then look away.
One day, after maybe a year and half, I was at the dorms common area helping my hall color some drawings for a parade, when he approached me.
He stepped in front of me while I was laying down on the floor coloring. He must have said how beautiful the drawing was like 10x. But I didn't say a word.
I looked around wanting someone to say, "he's talking to you", but no one said anything, not even my sister.
He went into his office with his friend and then came back and tried again. But again, not a single word came out my mouth.
I was so nervous, I couldn't even speak.
I think he felt humiliated since that was the first and last attempt he did.
After that incident, I tried saying thank you with a big smile when he would open the door of the dorms or of the chapel, but it never worked. I don't blame him.
I finally graduated and just asked God to remove any feelings there where towards this guy so I could go on with my life and asked him that the next guy I fell for, for it to be my future husband, even if it took years in the waiting.
I guess you can say I don't know how to "flirt".
I don't even know how to smile at a guy whenever I feel attracted to him. I blame it to never having a boyfriend. (Read my post #neverdated )
To be honest, I don't believe in being flirtatious. I feel like it doesn't speak good about a girl.
I know flirting is a common concept among the world. But I don't believe God wants us to be provocative in order to "catch" a guy.
So should we flirt or ignore? What should we do as christian girls?
As I searched what the Bible said about flirting, I ran across the following verse.
So how should a godly woman act? We shoudn't want to be seen as an "easy" girl. We should be careful of how we come across.
I feel like a flirtatious attitude screams "desperate".
My mom always taught us to never show interest. But I also think that there should be a balance. You also don't want to be a #hiddenflower.
I read a book a few years back by Debi Pearl called "Preparing to be a Help Meet".
Debi mentions how "some are shy and uncomfortable in public, due to lack of experience", which I guess I fall into this category.
I have always been shy around people I don't know, although I am the complete opposite when I am around those who I have known forever. But I feel that in the past year or two I have changed a little.
Debi also says that "hidden flowers are treasures concealed from the public view, either behind closed doors or disguised as icicles."
I havent closed myself from the public, but I do feel that I have just been busy with work and church. And although I get pretty busy with helping out at my church and missionary work (within my church), I still need to get out some more.
I use to say that I had no time to go out, but I have learned that I need to make time. So I promised myself last year that I would "be busy, productive, and [my] life will have a purpose, and [my] purpose will not be just to get married!"
And my promise also consisted that I would not just spend money on clothes, but got out and enjoy the outdoors like I used to when I was younger. I love a good adventure, I just had stopped enjoying life outside closed doors.
So last year, I visited my family in Mexico and I don't just stay with my family (which I enjoy doing), but I go out. I try to sign up and volunteer outside my church. And though it hasn't been a lot, I have more things planned for the next few weeks. I am taking it little by little.
So one thing for sure is, we should not be a "come-on, neither [should we] stay hidden".