I only had three resolutions for this year. I thought, maybe if I only have three instead of a list of resolutions I'll be able to achieve them and not overwhelm myself. We are almost halfway through the year and I have struggled with keeping up.
I think it's a good time now to look back and remember those resolutions, see how far or short we've come, but also it's a good moment to reflect and plan again to find a way to reach our goals before the year ends. After all, we still have time.
So here we go, I am about to share with you 3 goals I have for this year and the struggles, obstacles I've faced and even the (little) progress I've made:
1. Finish Writing My First Book
In reality, its more like a short novel. I really didn't plan how long it would be. I had a story in mind and I needed to tell it. I knew how it would start and how it would end, but boy did I struggle with the middle part. There were times I just wanted to give up. I thought I was over my head trying to write a book. Who was I kidding? I started to doubt that I was any good. And then I started to fear what people would say once they read it or if they would even read it.
You know, the biggest enemy to you finding your biggest potential and achieving your dreams and goals is not the people who doubt you or say you can't do it, (of course they are the second in the list) but your biggest enemy is YOURSELF. You can keep yourself from doing things you were born to do just because you let doubt and fear come in between you and your purpose.
So there, those were my struggles and obstacles I faced. I had to step away many times from the story. I read in a book some tips of how to finish writing a book. Yes, finish, not write, but how to finish it. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be finished. After it is finish you can go back and add, take away, correct and so on. But just get it finish! That's the first step. I was so overwhelmed in getting it perfect. The truth is, right now that is finally finished, (yes its finally finished!), it SUCKS! But its finally finished.
Well, I guess that's one resolution that I've accomplished. Now, I just have to go back and make it better. I'll worry about publishing later. One step at a time. (BREATH).
2. Drink More Water
In almost every person's list of resolutions, loosing weight is in their top 3, and every year since my college years it has been my number 1 resolution. Yet, I haven't been able to hit my mark. I mean, I've lost weight but I haven't gotten to the place I want. Anyways, I decided that I would take small steps. I tried going to the gym and even though I was going 2x sometimes 3x a week, I started to loose momentum once I became very busy and started to work.
So this year I decided to take small steps. To drink more water was my plan. And not just more but to replace it for coffee, juice and especially Dr. Pepper, which is my ultimate favorite drink, (my addiction). Some weeks are great! I only drink water but then somehow I drink one Dr. Pepper or coffee over the weekend and I struggle the next week. I start to have headaches and get grumpy.
I guess, I've made some improvement, but not much because as I'm writing this I am drinking a Dr. Pepper...
Well, I guess I am just gonna have to drink three cups of water next.
3. May I Become Less so that He May Become Greater
He must become greater; I must become less. - John 3:30
I chose one resolution that would help me with my dreams & goals, another to help me with my body & health and finally this one that would help me with my soul, heart & spirit. I shared earlier how we are our biggest enemy, I think the problem is that we think about ourselves way too much.
The world tells us to "be yourself", "do you", "follow your heart", "worry about yourself", when God tells us to put others first, to do His will and not ours, to not follow our hearts because our heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9).
I realized that I needed to decrease. What I think, feel and all my dreams and aspirations need to be in second place. I need to step away from my mind and seek Him, because that is the only way we can drown the voices around us. And the only way He can increase in us is by seeking Him.
I am not gonna lie, I've struggled with seeking Him daily. There are days that I wake up and fall before Him and continue my day seeking Him at every opportunity I am given. Then I end my day with Him. Which brings an indescribable peace and joy the entire week. But then there is a day that I wake up during the night and can't sleep and then I get up to go to work late, and then I face some not so nice drivers on the way to work and some grumpy people at work. Annoyed and sleepless I end my day trying to run home and escape reality. And instead of falling before God for comfort I run to Netflix, (usually watching Gilmore Girls makes my day). But it is only for a short time.
So, lately I've felt this yearning and hunger. It's like a hunger in my spirit. I've been afraid to seek Him because I know I'll end up messing up again and forgetting Him once again. Sooner or later I will become overwhelmed with life, you know, work, family and friends, and planning and resting, reading books, etc. All the great things I love to do but although they are not bad things they shouldn't take His place. He should come first. (I haven't even started and I'm already thinking about falling.)
You might find yourself in the same boat as me and you ask, so what do you do? Or what can you do?
I think that with everything in life and especially the most important (which is seeking God) is that you have to make the decision that you will do it no matter how you feel, how the day is going or just because you had good days you deserve a cheat day or a break, you can't stop.
Overall I think that at the end, when it comes to our spiritual life, the moment we realize that apart from God we are lost we will be drawn to Him and we will have this need to constantly seek Him. I mean, that is how relationships work, you talk and spend time together, you grow and learn and fall in love. So at the end, no matter how far you go without seeking Him, you will end up coming back to God's arms.
I just hope that I continue to know Him as I start to seek Him daily and that when people see me they can only see Him.
Who knows, maybe at the end of this year I'll have a new career, a different and healthier body, and deeper relationship with Jesus.